question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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