They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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