dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
