when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
