I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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