I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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