he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
