well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
either way he was missing a nipple.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
