She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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