it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
