I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
