Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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