He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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