OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
