Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
