I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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