Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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