if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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