I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
