I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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