The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
