i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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