Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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