There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
