Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
