you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
