i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
