just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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