what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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