if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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