I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
