I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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