A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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