sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
