Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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