4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
