Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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