It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
