If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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