Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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