Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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