the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
