You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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