I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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