Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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