Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
