Im at strip club and am horny
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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