Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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