I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
