So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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