Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
