haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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