i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
birth control should be required to get into college
This gyro tastes like lonliness
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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