I heard we made out
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
