i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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