I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
