dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize