can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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