I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
