If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
