I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
