We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
