dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
